Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
