ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
