we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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