Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think your dad took our porno
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
