I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
