There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
