the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
