Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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