Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
