i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
