Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
