My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
