i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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