She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
