I'm lost and stupid without you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I need water and some morals
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
