so that wasnt chicken after all
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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