is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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