I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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