so let's talk penis.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
