I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I need water and some morals
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
