Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
