I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
whose parrot is this?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
