I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
