he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
