I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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