The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
