I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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