my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
