Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
