Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
