I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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