so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
