Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
