We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
