I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
