I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
