Nicole vs. Life
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
God I need to hump something, right now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
