Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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