well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
