you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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