just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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