Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
