what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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