Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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