Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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