he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
