Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
