Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
