too bad you live with your parents still
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
being pregnant is like rehab
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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