I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
